Plastic Surgery Disasters

I am not sure if you are aware of this but there appears to be an epidemic afflicting the women of the Upper East Side, that epidemic is in the form of horrible plastic surgery. There is more fucked up bee sting looking lips, dolphin noses and mismatched apples to oranges tit jobs per capita on this small section of island than anywhere else. I know you are probably saying “Tim, what about LA?” what about it, LA is a different, it is a town built on an industry of vain fucks who think wearing Ed Hardy shirts into your 50s makes you look cool because some big fake tit peroxcide blond will let you make love on her because you got some dough or might work for a studio. The Upper East Side, while quite wealthy, or just regular people who are not in the spot light or trying to break into porn. It is peoples moms. Sure the people they are mothers too are dick bags, but they are still just someones mom. It is almost as if every third woman over 40 has had one of those creepy clean halloween masks melted to their face and them put make up on it. There is no way they could look in the mirror and think, “I look just like I did when I was in my 20s and sucking off people for coke at studio 54.

For a while I felt sorry for these women, I wondered about what kind of society we live in where women feel the need to mutilate themselves in order to keep up and feel worthy. But that feeling of empathy quickly went out the window when I realized that these women are a rare breed. They are in no way representive of women nationwide or world wide. They are part of a culture that worships the material, that focuses on the bullshit that really isn’t important. Plus YOU LOOK LIKE A FUCKING FREAK, when you are 56 years old 19 year old dudes arent supposed to be like “look at that hot piece, i would save all my part time job money for a chance to drop a digit on that!” I cant think of a foxy older gal that has had work, for that matter that hasnt aged gracefully. Same for the fellas, who looks better at 50 something, Ted Danson or Bruce Jenner? I guess if you look middle aged lesbians you would say Bruce Jenner.

I guess at the end of the day it is your face, go sick, but if you are really going to carve yourself up to only end up looking like frankenstein with a pig nose why not go all out and just let someone throw acid in your mug and go all phantom of the opera on us.

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The Juggs – African Queen EP

A few years ago I was on tour with EL-P, and during said tour EL had a live band playing with him. The band featured Wilder Zobey of Chin Chin fame on keyboards. You may remember Chin Chin from earlier music blasts and their stellar live show during the Ringolevio album release party. EL also had a fellow by the name of Kareem Bunton playing bass. I didn’t know much of this Kareem fellow other than he snored like a fucking maniac and he had a hella-fied sneaker collection. During one late night drive out of the shit hole that is Albuquerque, NM the lot of us that were still up (myself, fellow hangar member Ian McMullin, Soundguy Jimmy, Wilder Zobey, Photog extradonaire and friend of the blast SeanieCameras and the fore mentioned Mr. Bunton) were all up, drunk, watching the sun come up and sharing music, some we enjoyed and some of our own. When it came time for Kareem to play something he humbly said “check this out and tell me what you think, it’s some new stuff I have been working on”. I had no idea what I was in for, but it was jaw dropping. It sounded like Black Sabbath, if Black Sabbath was chilling with Robert Johnson at the crossroads and making a deal with Beelzabub that in return for their mortal soul they get to rock the fuck out of your dick holes with the a sonic assault that makes you want to put babies in your lady and then eat some good pulled pork with no shirt on.

The Juggs are the fucking truth. I have had a rough version of this album for almost a year now and have been waiting for the day I got an email or a call from Kareem asking me to blast this fucker. Well that day is today. Christmas in April muthafuckers.

PS. The Juggs will be playing tomorrow night at Frank’s Lounge in Ft. Greene tomorrow night (4/22/2010) at 11pm (660 Fulton St
Brooklyn, NY 11217 – (718) 625-9339)

You can also find them on myspace

The Juggs – African Queen EP – Download

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Album Review – LCD Sound System

Im not that familiar with LCD Sound System, in fact I always confuse him with the guy that did that song “How Bizarre”

But they seem to be on everyones best of lists and nerds love the shit out of them, so what the fuck. add to that this glowing review from one Joel Frieders:

It seriously makes me wanna rip off my shirt, wave it around like a helicopter and air hump passing traffic, its so fucking ballsdeep titsmas eve on a thursday dude.

So there you have it.

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Annoying People Volume 1

People who make you take your shoes off when you visit them
Brooklyn parents
Thug rappers from the New England area
Dudes who have a lot of tattoos and work in delis
Chefs
Anyone who identifies themself as a certain kind of nerd ie Film Nerd, Rap Nerd, etc

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Awesome Boondocks Preview/Jay Electronica Video

Huge fan of both of these. Jay Electronica is one of a handful of MCs that I think can return rap to the glorious creative apex of whenever. The point is he is dope as fuck. The Boondocks is one of the freshest cartoons out, cutting, original and well animated. This 3 plus minutes should make you feel great about life. If it doesnt you are probably a dick.

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ICP or ICPM DAWN – Magic All Over This Bitch

two words best describe this gem. Holy Fuck

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Something Wicked (Awesome) This Way Comes

Friends and countrymen, it seems as though I have uncovered the greatest truth since perhaps the proof that our savior, Donald K. Knotts is a direct decendent of the Christ bloodline. I have stumbled upon a sinister organization hellbent maybe on destroying our way of life. As far as i can accertain they are only know as “Them” and led by this man:


Jim Bissel working from his shadowy liar at the best western business center

So far I have been able to, through a series of admittedly loose threads, tie Mr. Bissel to the following:

i personally blame jimmy for the following

1. my career not taking off
2. the death of hangar
3. the kennedy assassinations (4 in total)
4. 9/11
5. Massachussetts
6. Moonlighting getting cancelled
7. the fall of the Berlin wall
8. The illuminati not being more mainstream
9. Puerto Ricans
10. Hillary Swank

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